No, I didn’t forget it was update day on Friday. I was going to write the post in the evening after some work and errands, but when I returned, the internet was down and stayed down until late Saturday morning.
But since it’s my bloghop, I’m figuring I have to put up my update.
And here it is:
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March was the month from Hell. I was sick in the first week, away from my computer in the second week, and came back just in time to be stabbed in the back come week three.
Writing done: negligible.
Editing: none. Although I’ve brainstormed some stuff I want to put in when I’m editing.
So my goals for April… Well that’s where it’s complicated. I want to get back on track, but right now, I’m very far from the ideal head space and I don’t think trying to push myself would be a good idea.
Instead, I’m going to let the dice fall where they will. I’m going to update you on progress made, if any, but I’m just not setting goals for April. Because that would be stupid of me.
How are you doing?
I’m not going to lie. I’m sinking here and fast.
It’s just that difficult for me to stay positive about the shit going on in my publishing-life at the moment. Yes, I am feeling better now that I’m actively working towards doing something about it. But all in all, everything just feels so senseless.
Like the fact that I spent almost seven years on a project I might not be able to get back, depending on which way a law I don’t know will swing.
Like the fact that a deal that had so excited me when it first happened, can turn into a real-life nightmare.
Like the fact that I’ll probably end up spending most of my income from my day-job, just to possibly undo something that should never have happened in the first place. But I’ll have to do it anyway because after all those years spent working on those two books, I can’t afford to avoid this battle, and I can’t afford going into it alone.
Truth is, I’m demoralized. I’m furious. I’m hurt beyond what most people can imagine.
And here I am, with books to edit, more books to write and others to research. I want to. I know I should be doing those things.
But the truth is that my heart is so broken that I don’t have the strength for it right now. Because every ounce of strength I have left is going into the fight I’m heading towards. A fight I never wanted, and never imagined having.
Worst of all, most heart breaking of all, it’s a fight that wouldn’t even exist if the publishing house only talked to me.
Thank you to everyone who offered to pray. Please don’t stop praying. Cause right now, it feels like the only thing that’ll pull me through.
So I waited out this thing with my publisher as far as I’m willing to risk it.
That’s actually why I didn’t return to blogging last week as promised. I was staring at my computer screen, growing my ulcer, screwing up my happy hormones… and checking my e-mails like an obsessive compulsive.
And after a week, no reply from my publisher on something so serious it makes me nauseous just to think about.
So… I’m taking action. I’m actively screening IP attorneys, so if you know any good ones, let me know.
What’s pushing me to this? Well. That’s a nice, long story deserving of a nice long post. Which I will write and publish when 1) I’ve gotten the legal advice I need and 2) when it’s not April, because really, I want as many people out there as possible to give me their full attention. To help them learn from this horrible experience I’m going through with my publishing house.
And yes. It is horrible. It’s destructive, and it’s currently sucking my soul, more than being sick and being exhausted combined.
I will let something good come out of this. Even if the good ends up being for someone else’s benefit.
And for those of you who pray:
1) Please pray I get the right person to act as my legal representation.
2) And pray that this ends up being a clean cut for me.
I can’t help feeling like the last two weeks have been a bit of a nightmare for me.
Before, I mentioned being sick. Last week was mostly spent unable to write, and unable to even connect to the internet. I was out of the house for most of the time, as in, I sometimes came home in time and exhausted enough to go sleep the moment after I had dinner.
And now… I’m even more discontented with the way people are managing one of my books.
So needless to say, I’m exhausted.
I’ve got a bit more written on this subject at Untethered Realms, but for now, I’m just going to crash. I might take tomorrow off as well, but then I’m really going to get back to my regular blogging schedule.
I just need a few to recover. Because that recovery time has not happened yet.
How are you doing?
Sorry for being so absent this week.
I’ve been struggling (and still am) with some sort of bug that simply drains me of energy during the day. I’m a lot better now, but not quite up to standard.
Hopefully I’ll be all better by Monday, and I’ll be able to post and visit blogs with more regularity. Which I must say I’m looking forward to.
Hey all! Just want to let you know I’m at Unicorn Bell today, discussing why stakes are important in a query and synopsis.
Hope to see you there!
Wow. I can’t believe it’s time for another IWSG post. For those of you who don’t know, IWSG is a monthly bloghop where writers can share insecurities and encouragements about writing. You’re always welcome to sign up, so if you want to find out more, click here.
So… I don’t really have anything new to be insecure about. I mean, I’m still pretty close to being a nervous wreck about a multitude of writerly things, but I’ve discussed most of them at length already this past month, so I’m just not feeling like going over again.
Instead, I’m going to be very naughty and link you to something IWSG-related that I posted on Monday because I forgot I needed to save it for today.
Hope no one minds!
P.S. Alternatively, you can check out my query crits at Unicorn Bell this week. I’m still new to this, so I’d love it to see some friendly faces. 🙂