I’m not going to lie. I’m sinking here and fast.
It’s just that difficult for me to stay positive about the shit going on in my publishing-life at the moment. Yes, I am feeling better now that I’m actively working towards doing something about it. But all in all, everything just feels so senseless.
Like the fact that I spent almost seven years on a project I might not be able to get back, depending on which way a law I don’t know will swing.
Like the fact that a deal that had so excited me when it first happened, can turn into a real-life nightmare.
Like the fact that I’ll probably end up spending most of my income from my day-job, just to possibly undo something that should never have happened in the first place. But I’ll have to do it anyway because after all those years spent working on those two books, I can’t afford to avoid this battle, and I can’t afford going into it alone.
Truth is, I’m demoralized. I’m furious. I’m hurt beyond what most people can imagine.
And here I am, with books to edit, more books to write and others to research. I want to. I know I should be doing those things.
But the truth is that my heart is so broken that I don’t have the strength for it right now. Because every ounce of strength I have left is going into the fight I’m heading towards. A fight I never wanted, and never imagined having.
Worst of all, most heart breaking of all, it’s a fight that wouldn’t even exist if the publishing house only talked to me.
Thank you to everyone who offered to pray. Please don’t stop praying. Cause right now, it feels like the only thing that’ll pull me through.