Where I am today

I’m not going to lie. I’m sinking here and fast.

It’s just that difficult for me to stay positive about the shit going on in my publishing-life at the moment. Yes, I am feeling better now that I’m actively working towards doing something about it. But all in all, everything just feels so senseless.

Like the fact that I spent almost seven years on a project I might not be able to get back, depending on which way a law I don’t know will swing.

Like the fact that a deal that had so excited me when it first happened, can turn into a real-life nightmare.

Like the fact that I’ll probably end up spending most of my income from my day-job, just to possibly undo something that should never have happened in the first place. But I’ll have to do it anyway because after all those years spent working on those two books,  I can’t afford to avoid this battle, and I can’t afford going into it alone.

Truth is, I’m demoralized. I’m furious. I’m hurt beyond what most people can imagine.

And here I am, with books to edit, more books to write and others to research. I want to. I know I should be doing those things.

But the truth is that my heart is so broken that I don’t have the strength for it right now. Because every ounce of strength I have left is going into the fight I’m heading towards. A fight I never wanted, and never imagined having.

Worst of all, most heart breaking of all, it’s a fight that wouldn’t even exist if the publishing house only talked to me. 

Thank you to everyone who offered to pray. Please don’t stop praying. Cause right now, it feels like the only thing that’ll pull me through.

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37 thoughts on “Where I am today

  1. Misha, this is awful – I'm so sorry!

    You already know this, but you have a huge number of friends who are right here, completely supporting you.

    If there is anything I can do, don't hesitate to ask.

  2. I confess. I am totally confused. Need a little backstory. Got a link to fill me in? Or PM me if you like.
    Best advice I can give without info is don't let the bastards win by quitting. Gird your loins, put a snarl on your face, and come back swinging (writing/creating your little heart out)!!!

  3. I'm so sorry this happened. Laws being different between countries, it's hard to know what avenues you have available. But you might want to Google for free legal advice to see if you can find more legal ammunition to fight the publisher. Someone out there must know how to best reach these people.

    Hugs, Misha.

  4. It really does suck that art, something we break off a piece of our soul to bring to life, can be put in danger by others. Praying for a good outcome and hoping you find a way to enjoy your craft while going through this.

  5. I don't have any good words here. I am still praying for you. I pray that the publisher calls you and all of this can be avoided. I pray that you don't make yourself sick over it (yeah, it is possible to do that). I pray that this ultimately works out in a way that you are happy with, proud of, and makes you feel like a champion. It is important that we stick up for ourselves if it is necessary. It is horribly damaging to our self-esteem when we decide that our needs are just not that important. So, I admire your resolve. Just make sure that you are good to yourself as you work through this process.

    And I haven't put it together yet, but I am posting something for you on Thursday post. So make sure you stop by later today!

  6. We'll keep the prayers coming, and I'll echo what others have said about resources like Writer Beware and Victoria Strauss for advice and to get your experience out there for people to rally around.

  7. Oh no, Misha. I so wish I could do something to help. I wish I had a magic wand and could POOF it all away. Know that I am sending prayers of strength and determination. You WILL get back that which is yours.

  8. Oh God, I am so, so, so sorry. I WILL think of you, and hope for you. You're right – this is supposed to be a good thing, and I'm so sorry it's turned into something so terrible. We're all with you, though.

  9. Dear Misha,

    I shall keep this message short. I send you all the positive thoughts I can conjure. I have found that even in the most perceived negative of situations that I find a positive.

    In peace and hope,

    Gary

  10. I'm so sorry that you are going through this, Misha. You definitely deserve better and I am sending all my positive thoughts and vibes your way. Be strong and don't give up.

  11. That's really horrible. 😦
    I hope you'll be able to share what you've learned one day in a way that can help others avoid the same pitfall. That way at least you'll get something almost good out of it.
    Really terrible sounding. 😦

  12. Hey, you know you're loved, even through all this awfulness. I hope that love is enough to carry you and lighten the tough moments. Hang in there, my warrior chick friend. You're tough cheese, and you deserve all the epicness the universe has to offer. You'll come through this a veteran who'll save others from the same trauma, and therein the suffering will become a blessing. Love you, Misha!

  13. 😦 I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a tough time of it. I say just focus on this fight you're involved in, and don't worry about the other things on your to-do list. You need to take care of yourself AND fight for your rights, and I think a struggle like what you're clearly going through is more than enough to handle at one time.

    Take care, Misha. *hugs*

  14. Oh dear. Sorry to hear you are struggling. Obviously I don't know the detials but sometimes it is best to consider your life as a series of rooms. This part needs to be put in the horrible-stuff-I-got-to-sort-out' room (or you can give it a ruder name if you want). The trick is to shut the door to that room occaisionally and spend time inside the room called stuff-i-really-enjoy and in the other one called people-who-really-love-me. The horrible-stuff room doesn't go away, but you don't have to spend every minute of every day inside it.
    Anyway, I hope it all works out for you and you get this sorted asap.

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