Update Day, May 2017

Hey all! I decided I’m going to try something different today. As you know, I have been vlogging for a while, but I also realized that not everyone can watch the video whenever they visit my blog. 

So today, I decided to put the video up top, and then follow it with the script from which the video is based. Please let me know what you think of this format!

Gosh, I can’t believe how much time has been flying by lately. It seemed like a few days ago that I last posted a vlog update, so I was quite shocked to see that it was three months ago. But there you go. Sometimes life and time get in the way, and the next thing you know, it’s the end of May. Ugh. Untentional rhyme.

But because we’re now on the last Friday of May, it’s time for me to share an update for my GotGoals bloghop. In case you’re wondering what the hell I’m talking about…

I’m co-hosting a bloghop with Jen and Brittney, where we set some crazy, big or just really important writerly goals. Then on the last Friday of the month, we post updates on the progress we’ve made.

I also find it useful to set smaller monthly goals, which I then use as stepping stones toward my bigger goals.

So how did I do?

Well, for the fact that I somehow completely let time get away from me this month, surprisingly well. Okay so I have to say that I didn’t set the bar particularly high, because I was trying to find my feet after quite a lot of crap. But I did say I wanted to write an average of five minutes per day.

And you know what? I hit that average on day two. It’s funny how averages work that way.

That said, the one thing that did take a hit this month was my freelancing. I’ve basically been endlessly working on some job or the other for the past three months, then got a big job at the end of last month and then… crickets. The frustrating thing is that I got that job and it was supposed to take two weeks, but my client hit a snag with the content I’m supposed to format. It’s really not her fault or anything like that, but the net effect is that I’m stuck waiting for her to get back to me. I know eventually that’ll get done, though, so it’s nice to know the money is still hanging around somewhere, waiting for me.

Then I went from nothing to having three jobs to do, but they all only came in over this past weekend, so I will only be able to record the income in June.

So things are really not going badly, but the sudden three week silence really got to me, because I’ve let everything else fall by the way-side over the past few months. It’s really annoying when I wish I could say I spent my empty days writing, but no, they were all spent catching up on a huge admin backlog.

I just realized that if I want to make any progress to the next level, and… you know, actually have more than five minutes a day to write, I need to get some help in. Luckily for me, I have an awesome brother who wants some flexible part time hours while he studies, et voila. I now have an assistant who’s going to help me keep everything rolling on schedule.

Which means that I’ll be able to regularly update as well. Eh…hopefully.

So with that in mind, next month’s goals:

1) Write an average of 10 minutes every day.
2) Earn $1000 of writing or publishing related income.
3) Weekly updates to my vlog.
4) Sort out the snarling mess that is my social networks as a whole.

That’s it from me for this month. Please do leave me a comment about today’s post structure. And how did your month go? Got any crazy writing goals that you’re chasing down? If you’d like to join the bloghop, you can find more information here

Back, with back-up

Hey lovely people.

So as I mentioned before, things are going better here, but I’ve still been quiet.

The reason for this is rather silly and kind of good, but annoying all the same.

The truth is, I’ve been so busy with freelancing jobs that I haven’t been able to even so much as look at any of my social networks for almost two months. The only exception being my monthly update posts, and even that one I almost missed in April because I was so busy and exhausted.

In fact, it’s come to the point where I didn’t know how to get ahead again. I already had my first inkling back when I first hit my $500 goal.

I’d made it and that’s *AMAZING*, but I only just made it. As in, I hardly had any time left after doing the work. But for the past few months, I’ve been doing month after month at around a $300 level, but unable to break through the barrier simply because I’m not ready to raise my rates to make more money per job, but I don’t have more time to work either. And the worst is, it’s not actually the work that’s killing me. It’s all the admin that comes with it.

But then I had a bright idea.

My brother was talking about how he wants a really nice and flexible part-time job while he studies, and I realized I could really offer him that. In exchange for a fixed percentage of my writing/editing income, he’s going to start working for me for a month to see if we can make things work.

If it does work out and we can streamline the work, I might finally be able to do more, and finish my book, and actually have time to visit blogs etc. etc. And if that’s the case, he can actually make a really nice income right along with me, all while studying at the same time.

I’m really excited about this, because it might be an excellent way to expand the overall publishing business that is me.

How are you guys doing?

Paralysis

I want to write a blog post today, because I know it’s good for me. The thing is, I’m struggling. Maybe I’m burned out, but it feels like my words have become a hopelessly tangled heap of strings, and every string I pull brings out a whole host of strings I didn’t want to see.

So I guess the words are there (which is new for me.) It’s just that there are too many of them. Too many emotions. But hey, it’s April so it’s unlikely that a lot of you will read this post anyway. So I get to just air some words and see what comes out.
The truth is, I feel stuck. I’ve mentioned that my life by and large sucks at the moment, which is fair enough, but until recently, I’ve always had writing to give me a sense of movement. As long as I made progress on my work in progress, that was okay, because then I was actually working toward something.
But that also meant that I have been flirting on the edge of burning out for a long time. And by a long time, I mean basically from March 2014. Maybe even earlier.
The thing is, that thing I mentioned before with my family member who spectacularly fucked us over… It gave me a good old shove into the abyss, and now I’m here with no idea about how to get out.
And if I’m honest, I might actually be self-sabotaging.
See in the aftermath, I tried to sit down and write, because I know it’s good for me. Because I need to feel like at least something is moving in the wrong direction and…. Nothing. Like… even the notes I’d left for myself to guide me toward the end of the story feel like some other parson wrote them. When I think about writing right now, I just feel… numb.
And I hate it. So instead of writing, I spent the most of the past month doing nothing. It’s not that I’m lazy per se. I’m still working, editing for people, formatting for people…that sort of thing. But when it comes to doing something for myself, something that could actually get me climbing out of the abyss again, I basically stare at the ladder out and do nothing.
Maybe I’ve been knocked down one time too many. And although things are starting to go a bit better, I don’t feel better. I feel like life is right there, dancing around and waiting for me to get onto my feet so it can hit me in the face again. And honestly, I don’t see the attraction of it.
Three years.
Three whole fucking years of this shit.
Two weeks ago was the third anniversary of getting my rights back from Etopia Press. So yes, it’s almost exactly three years since everything went to hell, because the crap with Etopia was the start. And man, I fought. I fought like a lion. Things went bad and I wrote more.
But here I am now, and I don’t know if I have anything left. Because everything I do feels like I’m just setting myself up for more harm.
So I do nothing.
I stare without blinking and fill my hours with nonsense. Not reaching for the ladder out of the abyss because I don’t want to face whatever is waiting for me up there.
Because that’s one thing I can say about being down here. If I don’t think about it too much, the paralysis is at least peaceful.

Holy Crap I Forgot It’s IWSG

I wish I was kidding, but sadly, I’m not. The first of the month always catches me for some reason, because my brain seems to believe that the first Wednesday for the month must be the third or later. *facepalm*

No idea what I’m talking about?

The Insecure Writer’s Support Group is a monthly bloghop taking place on the first Wednesday of every month. About two hundred writers are part of the IWSG, sharing our doubt, fears, insecurities and encouragement to let everyone else know that actually, they’re not all that alone after all.

You’re more than welcome to join, if you’d like. Click here for more information or to sign up.

So.
Because I already eloquently explained myself last week by vlog, I’m going to re-post here. I did try to keep a brave face on everything, but by the end of the first third or so, I’m basically going into where I really am in my life at the moment.
Spoiler alert, it’s not pretty. (Also, this isn’t family rated. Just so you know. And yes, the f-bombs I dropped actually did make me feel better. My mom always asks me that. No idea why.)

Since I’m just going to let that do the talking for me instead of writing again (because I’ve *just* managed to not burst into tears at the thought and writing about it again would open the scab, so to speak), I figured I’d answer this month’s question for those of you who’d rather not see/hear me.

Have you ever pulled out a really old story and reworked it? Did it work out?

Yes, I have. A long long time ago, I finished a rewrite to a book shortly after I finished rewriting Doorways. For those of you who weren’t visiting my blog at that time, The Vanished Knight + The Heir’s Choice = Doorways. 
 
It wrote like a dream. I backed up.
I was backing up the file for the last time when something (and don’t ask me what) went wrong. The entire file disappeared, replaced with an empty one of the same name.
I was heartbroken. So much so that I decided to just shelf the whole project until I could look at it without mourning the project I’d had.
It took about five years before I decided to look at that thing again, and by then, I’d grown so much as a writer that I ended up redrafting the whole thing from scratch, keeping only the characters and about half of the concept.
Any you know what? I love it even more than I loved it before. I’ve started editing it and working on it with critique partners and they’ve enjoyed it too.
But… it’s still a to be continued when it comes to knowing if it worked out. It’s not shelved per se, but because of my lack of time and the abundance of crap in my life as is mentioned in the vlog above, I just haven’t been able to get to it when I’m supposed to be finishing the sequel to The Heir’s Choice. But one day… Hopefully in this year…
What about you? Did you ever rework an old story? Any good news to share? Really in need of some good news. 
 
One update I should mention: the business plan is in with the possible investor, so prayers would be appreciated. 

Insecure Writer’s Support Group

For those of you unfamiliar with the Insecure Writer’s Support Group… A couple of hundred writers from around the blogosphere have signed up to this bloghop, which is hosted by Alex J. Cavanaugh. Then, on the first Wednesday of every month, we share our insecurities and/or encouragements.

This month, I’m co-hosting the IWSG Bloghop along with LK Hill, Juneta Key, Christy, and Joylene Butler.
Before I get into my post, though, I just have two more spots of admin to get through.
First, I’m also visiting Ronel Janesen van Vuuren today, sharing some of my thoughts on Patreon.
Then, if you’d rather read this exact same post on Blogger, please click here.
Right. Now that’s done, let’s get into it, shall we?
As you may or may not know, I’ve recently started taking this being-a-writer thing seriously. Like… really really seriously.
Like… I’m-being-a-writer-for-90%-of-my-time-and-using-my-writing-skills-to-earn-99%-of-my-income seriously.
And how’s it going?
Surprisingly well, money wise. I basically started from scratch in September. And in January, I’ve made my country’s minimum wage for the first time.
Which is AMAZE-BALLS. You guys can’t imagine how happy I am with that.
Except.
Most of that money’s coming from me freelancing as an editor/formatter/cover designer (which I totally see as writing skills, because all of the above are needed for me to make it as a writer.)
Not so much from selling books.
But that’s okay, because I always knew I should start of making money as I can and spending money on marketing etc for my books in order to grow my readership.
Here’s the thing, though… Growing my readership will actually happen when I have my next book out. Which I can’t get to when my freelance list fills up out of nowhere.
And I can’t market my old books until I have them updated. Which some of you might now be chortling about, because I’ve been saying I’ll update the books since May last year. And the cause of the delay?
Newsletters. Website. I have no money to pay someone to design either, and because people are hiring me for a ton of stuff they don’t have time for, I don’t have the time to do either of those two myself.
And I can’t link to them unless I have them set up. So I can’t update my books to include the links.
See? One giant bowl of I-really-have-no-time spaghetti.
So now, I’m trying to make writing time, which is making me feel bad, because the whole reason why I decided to go full-time was that I WANTED TO HAVE TIME TO WRITE!
*gasp gasp gasp*
How do you deal with everything trying to steal your writing time? Any advice for me?