Welcome to another IWSG post. For those who don’t know, it’s a bloghop hosted once a month by Alex J. Cavanaugh. Here we can share our insecurities and encourage others who are feeling insecure. So if you want to join, go here to check out the details.
As for me, I’m filled with insecurities. I could practically pick a new insecurity every day. But hey, to give us a bit of variation, I’ll move away from Doorways related fears and focus on something different.
Well… somewhat unrelated. Or… uhm… not directly related? Oh screw it. It’s still Doorways related. But in a different way from normal.
See, I handed Doorways over to my editor again. She might be a while on these edits, so it left me with what I think will be a few weeks before I need to edit again.
Lo and behold, I got invited to Camp NaNoWriMo. It made me think. “Oh hey perfect! I can get some writing done. See how much I can add to my poor neglected rough drafts. Wonderful.”
But on 29 June, insecurity struck with the force of a bullet train.
You see… I’ve taken to flying into my rough drafts with wild abandon. Often, I only know a tiny bit about the characters, and the climax of the story, or the end. Sometimes I only know the climax and that’s okay, because I still have something to write towards.
But my insecurity lies with… You guessed it.
I spent six months just thinking about it and the world before I started writing it. After that, I spent a bit more than six painstaking years changing it into the story I sold to Etopia Press. I went through heaven and hell with that story. With the characters in it.
And now… I finish rough drafts like… Well… I’ve gotten four into the shape I call “ready to rewrite” in the past three years. Doorways took four (or something similar).
Thing is, I never feel as connected to the other stories. Doorways always lives in my head. The others… well… I think they do too, but I can’t hear it through all the Doorways noise.
So on 29 June (most inconvenient timing EVER!) I suddenly wondered if I’m writing the other stories wrong. Obviously Doorways worked. But I basically ignored that method and flew into story after story. Possibly before they’re even ready to be written.
It was like building a huge block tower, working on it for years, only to watch it topple because I removed the last block I’d placed.
What did I do? Well. I melted down on twitter, only to have three awesome writers console me. Because of their messages, I realized two things I want to share now.
1) You’re not the only one to ever feel this way.
2) It really might not be as bad as you think.
After spending a few hours calming down on the 30th, I grabbed one of those WiPs I “rushed into” and read it.
And… it was good. Not brilliant, but not remotely close to the disaster I’d imagined it to be.
I’m working on it now. Bits at a time, because it’s a fun book to write.
Have you ever had a melt down because you thought you worked on an idea before it was ready?