This might be cheating, because I’m writing this IWSG post on Sunday, 1 July. But given the shear horror I’m experiencing, I’m thinking I couldn’t possibly be feeling more insecure than I’m feeling right now.
I was fine until Friday, when I checked my goals for 2012 and saw that one of them is to finish the WiP2 rewrite by 30 September. *shudder*
Usually I have nothing against rewriting. I see it as a necessary and normal part of my writing method. But this…. this is different.
Because I already started rewriting last year. Two months in, I wrote 40 thousand words and I was so excited about the story. It was awesome. And then, the day after Christmas, disaster struck.
In the most catastrophic loss I ever experienced as a writer, I lost my entire rewrite, ironically while I was in the process of backing it up. I can’t describe how much that hurt. Still I loved the story and vowed that I’d finish the rewrite so that I can edit it early next year.
But now it’s July and the number of times I’ve even looked at WiP 2: Zero. Zilch. Zip. Not even after I decided that I’d have to start.
The mere thought of looking at it gives me the heevie jeevies. I loved the new version. I guess in the past few months, the perfection and beauty of what I’ve lost grew in my mind until I am where I am now.
What if this rewrite isn’t as good? What if I open WiP2 and find that I don’t love it any more? And should I even be forcing myself to do something when everything inside me rebels at the mere thought?
All I know is, if I want to finish this rewrite by 30 September, I better get over this aversion fast, because I have 80 thousand words and three months. My time to that deadine won’t increase if I keep procrastinating…
What would you do if you were in my shoes?