I Survived My Own Stupidity…

So… remember that I blogged yesterday because I had so much time?

Turns out that it didn’t occur to my that getting the data into written form (economics again) in 650 words was a bit of a problem. Actually, it was a big bit of a problem.

See I wrote the entire analysis, knowing that it was going over the limit, but thinking that I could pare away at my words. Riiiight… When was the last time this worked for me? Uhm… Never. I ended up spending another six hours re-shaping the data into a more manageable form before deleting every single word of the analysis I had already written before starting again.

I did finish early enough to get six hours worth of sleep. So I’m pretty happy. This essay will very probably not do as well as the previous one, but that’s OK. To me, there are more important things in life to worry about than one essay that I don’t need.

Things like: A course on Spiritual Warfare. Finding time to broaden my mind. Finding time to write.

I’m not really going to go into the first, due to the fact that some people might not agree with me, but it just felt like I would be lying if I did not give it a mention. I just feel that as a Christian, I should do everything in my power to strengthen my defenses with knowledge.

A lot of things can broaden my mind. Watching movies, reading, reading blogs, talking to people, going to new places… and (the scary and most difficult one for me to do) to just be quiet in my own company.

My mind is a strange thing, tangling with at least three intense problems or musings at a given time. Most of the time, it’s more likely to be running five. Add in three novels, two of which are extending into series and around twenty characters all talking at the same time. Then there’s also the run of the mill things like: REMEMBER TO BUY EGGS FOR YOUR FLAT MATE! and: YOUR MOTHER MUST BE AT THE AIRPORT AT 07h20. The hundreds of little reminders that float around in my head. Sorry for the all-caps, but I’m doing everything I can to remember those two. You see… with all my stuff milling around in my head, it’s the every day stuff that falls through the cracks. 

Point is. My mind comes to a point where it sounds like a full restaurant where I can hear every single person talking. For me to just be quiet by myself, I have to spend quite a few hours shutting out most of the noise. It’s fiendishly difficult and – if I succeed – quite scary. It feels incredibly alien to be in silence, but it’s beautiful when it happens. Everything feels clear. And I get so much done when I get to this stage, since I can take one thought at a time and concentrate on only that. I keep focusing on these thoughts until I finally feel I’ve solved something. At which stage the noise usually floods back and hits me again.

Finally, writing. I write even when I don’t have a pen and paper with me. Only when I stop thinking about what I want to write, have I stopped writing. At this time, I’m toning down on my physical writing so that I can find my characters’ voices again. I’m almost there and I’m starting to become very excited about continuing the story. I might not be able to write as much as I’d like though, since I’m approaching my final exams. But whenever I feel like I can squeeze in a little bit of time, you can guess what I’ll be doing…

Do you also struggle with the white noise in your mind? Do you write, even if you’re not technically writing?